“Don’t hide the fish and make people smell it, or guess how big it is. Just put it on the table, and then we can talk about the fish”
We know from books like ‘Teaming’ by Amy C. Edmondson, ‘Trust Matters’ by Megan Tschannen-Moran, that psychological safety and trust are basic preconditions for effective teams. I knew this before coming to LEGO Foundation in Denmark, and had always strived to create teams in which these were high, and to do this, I would often talk very carefully around thorny issues.
Coming to Denmark, for the first time, I found myself in a culture that valued directness, as much as trust - in fact, that directness was the basis of the trust.
We all know that you can get directness wrong - and the classic book ‘Non-violent Communication’ talks about the ‘offensive honesty’ people can develop when people first learn to honestly articulate their needs. This is not what we are talking about - rather the non-judgemental, objective and calm expression of what we are thinking or feeling so that we can find common solutions to challenges, or acknowledge personal challenges so we can work together better.
One of my Danish leaders explained it using the Danish expression, ‘fisken på disken’. Just put the fish on the table. If you are feeling or thinking something - do not make others guess what it is, do not give off the ‘smell’ that you are holding something they can’t see, and do not talk about it without just simply putting it on the table where everyone else can see it.
As I settled into the organisational culture at LEGO Foundation I got used to people being straight forward and direct with me, but the first time of trying it myself was a revelation.
A colleague had said, in a room full of Danish colleagues and me, ‘well, international colleagues here are generally more egotistical and arrogant that Danes’. It was just about the worst meeting I had ever been in, and I suddenly felt like a complete outsider being judged as ‘one of them’. But a light bulb moment came with I thought ‘wait a minute, this is Denmark. I am now holding a big smelly fish under the table. If I dare to say it, I think I will get a good response’.
I found an appropriate moment to talk the colleague, and just shared ‘I would like you to know that when you said that, it was a profoundly uncomfortable moment, and I do not think it is a fair generalisation’ and shared a little more of my reaction. The response I got was a turning point in my relationships at work. The colleague was entirely calm, and thoughtful, and just said something along the lines of ‘Thank you so much for the feedback, I can see I should not have said that and apologise’ after having given some explanation of what was going on with them and a particularly bad experience they had had recently, finished with ‘at least it is good that you know I am not perfect, as none of us is. But thank you for just being straight forward about it’
Although a trivial moment, it marked a profound change for me. It was a signal that in this work culture, honesty does not involve ego, or power play, or offended emotions. Mistakes are accepted gracefully and quickly, and we move on. There is a genuine acceptance that directness goes hand in hand with fairness and democracy. If we are all equal but different in our needs and preferences, the only way we are all successful is if we all just put the fish on the table. It does not mean we always get our way, it does not mean we will always be right - but it does mean that conflict is very rapidly resolved, and we breathe clean, fresh air, without the smell of fish in every team meeting.
When forming team norms once I became a team lead, one of the most important norms we agreed on was ‘fisken på disken’, and it is one of the most used. People will often preface a contribution with ‘fish on the table, I am worried we are doing the wrong thing here…’ and what follows is a remarkably honest and collaborative team dialogue.
There are many different ways as a team you can build the norm of speaking directly and honestly in order to build trust and efficacy - but I do recommend the ‘fisken på disken’ as a very effective metaphorical way of helping a team feel comfortable with directness.